And if this post offends anyone then most likely you say these things to pregnant woman…and should stop. But I completely understand! Before I was pregnant I had no idea what would trigger a cute little pregnant chick! Although, there are quite a few of you who have had a child or children and still say things you should know aren’t the best things to say. So I just advice those of you that say these things you to put yourself in her shoes…swollen feet and all.
1. “Hopefully it’s a boy/girl this time!”
STOP. RIGHT NOW. Let’s just make one thing clear…babies are blessings! Whether they have a penis or a vagina they are little tiny miracles that God has blessed us with. I personally believe God gives us exactly what we are supposed to have. If I only have boys then that’s what was meant to happen. If my baby ends up being my only child then that is what was meant to happen. People act like you can chose the sex of your baby. Which yes you can if you want to fork out a bunch of cash just to ensure your child’s vagina will indeed turn into a penis. Also for those of you who aren’t quite up to date on some simple science…the sperm (which comes from the father) determines the sex gene. WOAH. So don’t be all up in that mama’s grill asking her if she got it right this time. She has nothing to do with it and really neither does the dad. Like he decided which sperm he wanted to win. Please. Is there a book somewhere that says you have to have both genders of children in order to earn a gold star or something?! Because that is how people act. Just be grateful for the little miracle that is in that growing belly. Who cares what the sex is! Is that really that important? I think maybe how well the mama and baby are doing is the most important thing…but I could be the crazy one here.
2. “Should you be eating/doing that?”
Excuse me? I’m fat and I’m miserable. If I am sitting here with a beer and smoking a cigarette absolutely say something to me but if I am enjoying some candy leave me alone. Pregnancy cravings are a strange thing and usually we fulfill those cravings and like I said if they aren’t life threating or damaging to the baby I think everything will be okay… except for you with your judgey pants on, you might just get smacked. I went camping a lot during my pregnancy and some people were just appalled that I would do that. Sitting on my ass by a camp fire…shoot sounds dangerous to me. If you see someone who is 9 months pregnant signing up to go sky diving…maybe ask her what’s up, other than that shut up.
3. “Oh wow! Look how swollen your feet are!”
“Oh my God! I hadn’t noticed that none of my shoes fit me but thank you so much for pointing out something on my body that is swollen!” Let’s get real there is a lot of crap that is swollen when you are pregnant. And really the last thing we want is for you to point out our achy feet. We don’t need the reminder trust me; every time we walk we feel how swollen and sad our poor feet are.
4. “You are about to pop!”
Okay…every single pregnancy is different. Some people look 8 months pregnant when they are only 5. We are already feeling very insecure about our changing, growing bodies and we don’t need you to make us feel even fatter. If she is really about to pop you saying that just reminders her that it’s been long enough and she would have liked to have popped 10 minutes ago. Trust me, we know when we are about to pop you do not need to let us know.
5. “When will you be having the next one?”
The last thing a pregnant woman wants to be when she’s done being pregnant is pregnant. So at the time the thought of having another child sounds awful. Can we just get through this pregnancy first before we think about reproducing again?
6. “You will be the best mom.”
Okay this is to the first time moms. I can’t even keep a plant or grass alive let alone a human being. So when people would say that to me I just wanted to ask them how they knew that. I don’t take care of anything but myself. I guess husbands are pretty close to babies but really they are pretty self-sufficient if they have to be. You know if you forget to feed your husband he will eventually do it himself. I just always thought it was strange for people to say that because really no one knows what kind of mother you will be, including yourself. I don’t think anyone is the best mom their first time you just learn as you go and you get better as you go. It’s all a learning experience. Plus my mom is the best mom so I can’t have that title, it’s already taken.
7. “Are you going to breastfeed your baby?”
I’m sorry but talking about my boobs isn’t really small talk whether I’m pregnant or not. I think breast feeding is a very very personal topic. And there are many different opinions about it. There is way too much pressure on moms about breastfeeding I believe. Just mind your own business and worry about your tits not mine. People will still ask me if I am and I’m not. I lost my milk. And it really is heartbreaking to me (and my wallet) that I can’t breastfeed my son. I wasn’t producing enough milk right away so we had to supplement as well and I honestly think that the pressure of being able to do that for my son caused so much stress for me that I lost my milk. Some women just can’t and that’s fine but it’s none of your business what that mother choses for her child.
8. “I heard of this lady who’s baby died a week before her due date.”
Listen…save your horror stories for someone who isn’t pregnant. Pregnant woman are already pumped full of anxiety. They do not need to hear about your horrible labor, your friend’s aunt’s sister in law’s emergency C-section, how long so and so’s baby lived after birth, or any other awful story you may have heard. Bad things happen I know, we all know this and it is tragic and unfortunate but the last person we should share those stories with are those who are pregnant. Pregnant woman have enough to worry about.
9. “Oh I bet your baby will be 9 pounds.”
Thank you for predicting how many pounds I have to push out of my crotch but I don’t think I care. My entire pregnancy people always talked about what a big baby I was going to have…ouch. No thank you! No one jumps for joy at the thought of a broken tail bone in labor. I had nightmares that I gave birth to a 30 pound child. Just save your guess because you aren’t a doctor and you don’t know. Even doctors don’t know! But I would trust my doctor’s educated guess over yours any day.
10. “I bet you will have your baby on *this date*”
I think it’s so funny that people think they know when a baby will be born. Sure a scheduled C-section yes but natural no way. But everyone seems to think they know. And by the time a pregnant woman has made it close to her due date that’s pretty much all she can think about and then you barging in with your guess doesn’t help. Save it.
11. “You are still pregnant?”
Obviously jerk. Thank you for reminding me though. I’m not one bit anxious to get this kid out.
12. “Are you excited?”
Ha. I always loved this question because when people ask you they don’t think about what will happen if you actually give your honest answer. Excited for what? Labor, long nights, or the great scary unknown that comes with having a child. Yes it is an exciting thing but it also is a terrifying one. And when you ask that question I doubt you think the answer you get back is going to be “no.” but I would pay money to see the look on someone’s face when that happens.
Lesson learned here…let’s ask more important questions or say nicer things to a pregnant woman. Compliment her glow she has (yeah that exhausted one) maybe ask her how the baby is doing or what’s new with her pregnancy. Just take a moment to think before you speak to a pregnant woman…it really does amaze me how brave people are.
XO Tay
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